I got very little sleep last night. I sat in a heap on the floor for hours, my heart pounding relentlessly and sweat soaking my clothing. My dog has been whining, obviously sensing that something is wrong. Now, though, as I sit at my computer and type, I’m growing cold as the air conditioning has come on and the sweat dries, stealing the warmth from my body.
It was around 3 a.m. that I found myself bolt upright in bed, sounds and thoughts swirling through my brain at dizzying speeds. My head was aching, my mouth too dry to call out. The words of the spectre (I call it spectre, for I know of no more fitting word to describe it) punched at me like angry fists. When I woke, I suddenly lost all connection to the apparition, but its effects lingered, intensifying my anguish.
The spectre seems to be able to come to me only while I dream; I have experienced it at no other time. It had far too much to say for me to get everything written down before the words flittered from my mind, but I was able to capture a few of the phrases, and I list them here in both Welsh and English:
Mae’n rhaid i chi ymarfer eich celf … Dechrau nawr … Eich tynged yw eich tynged … Bydd eich hud yn dychwelyd i chi os ydych yn gadael iddi … Dewch … Tyfu eich hud … Dewch … Peidiwch â erys … Yma, gall pob eu cyflawni …
In English: You must practice your art… Begin now… Your destiny is your destiny… Your magic will return to you if you allow it… Come… Grow your magic… Come… Do not tarry… Here, all can be fulfilled…
Had I not experienced the first two visitations, I could have easily dismissed all as a simple nightmare; that glass of wine I should not have had last evening, or some obstacle of the day returning to me. No. Those explanations do not serve. Adding to my distress is the fact that, as a young teen, I was enamored by the art of legerdemain, the performance of entertaining illusions—magic, if you will. Now, however, except for a few simple slight-of-hand and card tricks, I have all but abandoned the practice. But I did love it so. You might even say I was obsessed by it. I am not a believer in magic, and I have put such childish occupations behind me. I am hopeful that, with this writing, the apparition has also become a thing of the past.
