Craig Brewer here. I expect Fred, I mean Dr. Dubois, will give me what-for later for the “howdy†thing. I’m sure you’ve noticed by now he tends to be a bit on the formal side with his writing. But he asked me if I’d like to do this, and I told him I would, since I mostly just sit here alone in my room and ruminate, but he never set out any specific rules for what I had to say or how I had to say it. We’ve both got the same “handlers,†as he calls them, so we do have to be careful what we say. I’d probably not have told you as much as he has, but that comes from the type of work I do, or used to do, I should say. Ol’ Dr. Dubois and I came from the same reality, which is not your reality. Now, before I forget, ditto on the Merry Christmas wishes, even if I’m a day late.
The professor did say I should say a few words about myself before I get started on my main topic, so here goes. I spent the last five years as an agent for the FBI—again, in my reality, not yours, and before that I retired from the Oklahoma State Bureau of Investigation with twenty years of service. But I can’t make those claims anymore, because nobody from the OSBI or the FBI in this reality ever heard of me. And you might be surprised to learn I was born and raised on a farm near Claremore, Oklahoma. That’s where I get my pragmatic, industrious side from, and that’s basically what I want to write about. Yep, back on the farm we sometimes had to make do with whatever we could dig up in the barn.
I’ve been called a “closet†inventor more than once, and it’s true, I do like to come up with new ways of doing things. But I’ve also picked up a lot of tricks in my life, so I’ll be giving out helpful hints when they come to me. For instance, have you ever had trouble getting your shoes to stay tied? Check to see if the bow is laying across the shoe or more up and down. If it’s up and down, you’ll likely have difficulties with it. Try this: On that first overhand knot, tie it the other way. If you’ve been doing it right over left, do it left over right, and vice versa. Then go ahead and tie the bow the same way you’ve been doing it and see if it doesn’t lay straight across. What you’ve essentially done is to change a granny knot into a square knot, and that will stay tied a whole lot better. Might save you some embarrassment during those times when you really don’t want to have to kneel down to retie those shoes.
And in case you’re thinking somebody misspelled “duct tape,†a quick Google search will tell you that it was originally called “duck tape,†and they invented it back during the Pacific Rim War, or World War II, as you-all call it in your reality. Wasn’t really the same war, but I’ve been told not to say too much about that. Â
Well, that about does it for my first entry, but one thing I think I’ll do differently from Dr. Dubois will be to allow comments, since he never said I couldn’t do that. I’ll have some more tips and tricks for you to try out next time, and maybe you’ll have some for me. Y’all take care now.
